Pusher Truck Tryouts

-Gbarb18

Pusher Truck Tryouts

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-Gbarb18

A ski boat shaped albatross.

I received a phone call last Thursday evening that changed my view point for the rest of the weekend.

Many of you are aware that I'm a bit white trash, in that I love collecting and trading broken things. I also love anything with a motor; the louder the better. Well, when I got the call informing me that a distant relative was selling a ski boat with a bad outdrive, I had to have it.

I called the relative, negotiated price, and worked out some details. Yes, the boat is an hour north of Spokane, WA (making it roughly 4-5 hours from me). Yes, it will likely cost another $700-1000 to fix. And, of course, I have nothing to tow it with, either from Deer Park, WA to Seattle, WA or from my apartment to a lake. These details will surely work themselves out.

As of Thursday, though, I had a handful of projects already jockeying position for my attention. And I don't need a ski boat any more than I need a pet Tiger. In the last 3 days, though, my busy little mind has been wrapped in visions of low cost boating. Perhaps it's time to find a skipper's hat and to pack my pipe once more with fresh tobacco.

Or, conversely, perhaps it's time to just open up a hole in the water to pour my money into.

Ze Germans strike again!

My little A4 was no more than simply a lovely little commuter until I dipped into 3/4 throttle. Then she became a ferocious continent conqueror. It seems that Audis are meant to be driven at more than 7/10ths.

I also stabbed a soccer ball and dropped a bottle of spit in the men's bathroom at a local park. I can't say that any of these events are linked, other than I'm fairly certain that if I weren't feeling so feisty neither the soccer ball nor the Audi would have been probed; the ball with my knife and the A4 with my foot.

The bottle of spit was an accident linked to Mac & Jack's consumption and Marlboro Snus Mint flavored pouches. Ze German linked more directly to my race home to type this nonsense. It's good to be alive.

The Half Million Mile Grand

My Mother owns a Grand Cherokee with over 500,000 miles on the odometer. According to Steve, those are likely on the original drive train. How astounding a concept, that as disposable as I and those around me have become with our expectations that some things as simple as what was a new car some 15 years ago could last 167 oil changes, 1700 some odd tanks of fuel, or what the average commuter puts on his or her vehicle in 48 years.

A guy in New York has a Volvo with over 2 million miles, and I've seen adverts with million mile Jettas or Toyota Pickups, but most of those cars are small, old, or at least boring. But Mom's Grand is four wheel drive, has decent leather interior, and a 4 liter inline 6 that runs so smooth that I've had to check the tach a few times to ensure the motor is still idling. It's fun.

Here's my thought, let's embrace old Cherokees and Grand Cherokees with 4 liter motors and start competing to see who can spin the highest number on the odometer. Let's collectively show Detroit that we don't want Libertys or Compasses. We want vehicles that put the Sport in SUV. And with cars like my Mother's Grand Cherokee as proof of concept, we can expect to have them even if Detroit hasn't delivered them in a decade or more.

Pusher Truck Tryouts

-Gbarb18

Listeria Hysteria

Over the weekend I met a pregnant woman who will not eat lunch meat. She's no vegetarian, mind you, but is terrified of Listeria.

Listeriosis is a bacterial infection that kills some 260 Americans per year. If you are also afraid of becoming ill, consider that pet dogs kill roughly 20 people per year (not counting attacks by Pit Bulls) and that somewhere around 6,000,000 Americans are mentally handicapped. So, yes, you are thirteen times more likely to be killed by Listeria than the family golden retriever, but you are 23,000 times more likely to be retarded than you are to become a victim of Listeria.

Now excuse me, I'm going to lay flat on my stomach in a field (the best known deterrent) to keep from becoming one of the 58 people killed each year by lightning strike.

The trade bug.

Long, long ago, in a city not very far away, I got a free Saturn sedan from a good friend. This sedan, in all of it's beige glory was thought dead by its prior owner, but I discovered that with air in the tires and a new(ish) battery under the hood it was in fact a decent commuter.

My uncle noted the value of my free commuter. This spawned the first trade: Saturn for 1956 Chevy.

The Chevy was a runner, a sedan, and a rust bucket. But it had a thumping 400ci small block that loved to roast the skinny rear tires in their own juices.

My good friend Andrew noted the value of my tire smoking machine. This spawned the second trade: 1956 Chevy for 1992 4Runner.

The 4Runner had a lifter tick, and with some minor modifications on my part, a few scratches in the paint (whoops). Otherwise, it was clean, reliable, comfortable and fun. But I bent a wheel while four wheeling, and realized that much worse would follow if I continued to own the vehicle. So I sought out a purpose built wheeling rig.

This spawned the third trade: 1992 4Runner for 1946 Willys.

The Willys, named Scarlet, was beautifully horrifying. Not at all unlike a pet tiger. It was cool to play with, but clearly it wanted to kill me.

My Mother coveted the Willys. This spawned my fourth trade: 1946 Willys for 2001 Audi A4.

The Audi is the polar opposite of the Willys. It is red to the Willys' green. It is an automatic to the Willys' manual. It has a roof. It is large enough for my considerable mass. It doesn't smell of unburnt fuel. The Audi, in terms of pets, is a goldfish. Safe, simple, easily forgotten and lovable regardless.

The Audi is mine for now. Let's see what trades develop.

Pusher Truck Tryouts

-Gbarb18

The A4 Dilemma; or How to Navigate Wisdom's Obstacles

I have been offered a 2001 Audi A4 Quatro 1.8t for a killer deal. Yes, it is red, and yes, it is an automatic, but it is a turbocharged all wheel drive with actual road manners. So in summation it is fuel efficient, comfortable, fastish, and inexpensive. The paper theory isn't much help here, as the car is both practical (fuel efficient, comfortable, reliable, safe, etcetera) and illogical (turbocharged, foreign, fastish, etcetera).

I'm stuck. I want the car, but it is far too practical for my car ownership history. On the other hand, I'm old enough now to appreciate the convenience and comfort.

What is your thought? Comment below and help me out.