Boats are better.

I hear Greg's argument that his choice is superior because his girlfriend has a matching one. I believe, though, that I drew a connection between the moped and purse already. Girls don't own boats, they ride in them. Girls own mopeds.

Andrew asserts that I'll be riding alone in my boat. This is a possible scenario, I'll admit. But look at who Masters entices with his toy: Old Guys. Yes, Masters will have many people approach him when he's out riding, but all of them will have penises. Boats attract women. Motorcycles attract dudes.

I win.