2011 Jaguar XK Love

Let's get this straight; regardless of what you may read, you should definitely buy a 2011 Jaguar XK. I'm not suggesting this as something that you should consider for a future transaction. No, even if you have to sell your organs, do it. Buy this car. Until you have one parked in a temperature and humidity controlled-environment, your life is incomplete.

Now, let me explain why you'll hate it. Remember, you should still definitely buy one.

I climbed into a black 2011 XK with black interior and 6 speed manual transmission. I had already walked, slowly, past the car, then back around it, then slowly in the other direction. But we'll get to the looks in a moment, for now we focus on the car in terms of its primary function. I am somewhere between six and six and a half feet tall (depending on which convenience store door I'm standing beside), which means that I have to slide the seat rearward on every car I drive even before I enter the vehicle. This particular Jaguar was no exception, but the cockpit was so small that I had to choose between tilting the seat back or sliding the seat bottom rearward; either T-Rex arms or knees above the steering wheel. No bueno. Then I hit the start button. I'll refer you to the first statement on beauty I made regarding this car on what the sound coming from the exhaust did to my senses. Yes, senses. You can almost see the beautiful sound, like Pepe LePew's scent trail while bouncing toward his sadly defenseless date-rape-victim cat.

I put the car in reverse, noting the smooth clutch pedal operation, and eased into the throttle. Small problem there. The throttle pedal feels like it has three feet of travel. Almost like Hugh Grant designed it.

“Oh, um, terribly sorry, but it appears... yes, I see you want to apply some... uh, throttle... and I just, uh... well, of course we can accelerate... but may I, uh, just... uh...”

I did find, though, that the pedal had some affect on the engine with a deep enough shove, and was able to put the car into motion. Here's where the next problem appeared; the steering. If you had the same driver's ed. Instructor as I, then you remember the mantra, “10 and 2,” meaning that your hands should be placed on the steering wheel at those positions as though on a clock face. Now, try to imagine that the steering between those “10 and 2” positions was totally numb until you exceeded those boundaries, and then you're in the next lane. It was unnerving.

The car reminded me very distinctly of my Mother's 1998 Ford Taurus. The steering, throttle, brakes and seating position were clearly stolen by Jaguar. Well done, Jaguar, you've proven that if a car is beautiful enough, it needn't love you in return. But I digress.

I finally did get past the Hugh Grant throttle and meth-addict steering to attain freeway speeds. And was unmoved. I spent the entirety of the rest of the journey trying to see if any other drivers saw me. And now we talk about the looks.

This car is beautiful. I'm not talking sunsets over sailboats on a shimmering lake. I'm talking beauty beyond that. If ever an angel wept, it was surely after being moved beyond words by a Jaguar XK. And for this reason alone, you must buy one.

Now.